Silly Goose in a Serious Situation

by White Dan

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One day me and my good friend Adam Ive snuck into the sound studio at Humber College, where we study film, and tried to record as many songs as we could before we had to leave. The result was this EP.


released February 26, 2016

Recorded and Mixed by Adam Ive
Mastered by Shawn Kosmerly
Released on Martian Machine Records

Special thanks to my younger brother Calum, he drew the cover art, and his drawings are just as charming as he is.



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White Dan Toronto, Ontario

Folk Punk guy from Toronto.

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Track Name: Sorry That I'm Satan
Well the hardest part about being the Devil,
Is that nobody wants to party with you,
I turn every pool into a hottub,
Every beer into a few.
The hardest part of being on fire,
Nobody wants to hold your hand,
If I had legs instead of hooves,
Maybe I could be your man.

So I'm sorry that I'm always busy, feeding friends to dogs,
If you lived as long as I have then forever wouldn't seem so long.

My bed is made of appendages, so it's hard to make you stay.
I'd totally go down on you, if my stupid horns weren't in the way.
Your parents own a big red book that swears I'm a disgrace.
But your little brother's Pantera posters are plastered with my face.

So I'm sorry that I'm way too tall and it makes you feel so small,
But my wings can take you to any height in any place at any time at all.

Six, six, another six, fucking on a pile of dicks,
What you're into is what I'm into.
3:10 74, same commandments broke before,
3:16 is here to please.

Who needs directions, when we already hit rock bottom?
No good with problems, I don't solve 'em I just cause 'em.
I've met Amy Whinehouse, Princess Diana,
The broad from Breakfast at Tiffany's,
But even inside rotting flesh,
You got the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.

So I'm sorry that I get self conscious when you scream Oh God in bed,
And I'm sorry for all the bad things in my head,
I'm sorry that I'm Satan but I didn't choose to be,
If the world believes in magic angels,
why can't they believe in you and me?
Track Name: New Names For Feelings
She said that I'm not killing time, time is surely slowly killing me,
And all I see, are wastes of time and energy.
I feel like putting on a mask so noone asks 'why the long face?',
Waking up was a mistake.

But I think season is the reason you're still bundled up indoors,
You could draw more than flies,
And I think it's fine to feel lonely sometimes.

He said hang me up, watch me dry, afraid to fail, afraid to try.
If you ask yourself why you're getting out of bed,
Eight times out of ten you'll end up sleeping in.
And the most life affirming question that I've asked,
Is 'would you like fries with that?'

A little tense a little bitter from the betterment of man,
You never listen to me, but feelings don't require THC.

So let's find new names for feelings, stop listening to your demons.

I know you're scared, I know you're drowning in the overwhelming fear,
I know you're looking for answers but you won't find them here,
At the bottom of a bottle filled by someone who thinks that,
Drugs are better for your health.
You need to help yourself.

You might not like yourself, but that's alright,
Cause I like you just fine.
Track Name: Once in a While
Something something, global conflicts,
In your eyes we're all just convicts.
Hate to ask, could you repeat that last part,
Politics just aren't my forte.
I'm a tourist everywhere, filled with wonder but slightly scared,
You see the world through fun house mirrors, never satisfied.

But Heaven looks the best from Hell,
Rather kill each other than kill ourselves.

Why is everything a big deal to you,
You're a carbon copy of what I once knew,
But once in a while you smile, and it's good enough for me.

Even if you start to feel nervous,
And you've lost your little sense of purpose,
Don't hate yourself for not being like,
Those other people you don't even like.
You told me that you like to wear headphones,
With no music on just so nobody talks to you,
It's the first time you've told anyone that,
But I guarantee it won't be the last.
Track Name: Rain in Rexdale
My umbrellas been blown inside out, as it slowly fills with rain,
A glass of wine for passer by, convincing them that I'm still sane.
I miss when we were us, so much now, crop circles are clues to how,
Some aliens must have abducted you,
And replaced you with someone who didn't love me anymore.

Picket signs for friends picking sides, forget who broke up with who,
I was only trying my best I guess, which is more than I can say for you.

But thank you for reminding me how I love to be alone,
I'll try hard not to think of you because otherwise I might explode.
Thank you for the honesty it's better of this way,
Now lots of long and lonely nights are gonna come my way.

You were the last person who was nice to me,
Who didn't also work in customer service.
Screams, screams nobody will hear,
My dreams, dreams, now becoming fears.
Being truthfully, I wouldn't root for me, I always tend to take it too far.
But now the jokes on you.
Because me being lonely means you're lonely.

Thank you for the mutilation, it helped me feel alive,
After reconstructive surgery I'll look as good as I feel inside.
Thank you for the accident, we'll both repeat someday,
Now lots of long and lonely nights are gonna come your way,
Yeah lots of long and lonely nights are gonna come our...

Way, way, way away, good times get lost in the fray,
Replaced with bitter memories to justify going separate ways.

The rain it slowly starts to dry as is usually the case,
Some day this will make sense to me, till then I'll hate your stupid face.
The clouds inhale a world bellow,
Sucking everything that's not tied down,
I hope it whisks me away from here,
Cause there's fuck all left in Rexdale anyway.
Track Name: P.S. Send More Ink
She always told me I had nice eyes,
So I told her they were gods apology for my ugly nose.
We never liked ourselves, but we sure liked each other,
In the deep end of her pool, hiding from her little brother.

Saying 'ooh babe, just a little longer now.
Hold your breath just a little longer now.
I'll hold yours if you hold mine.'

She told me to relax as she pulled off my pants,
On a bench outside her fathers house,
Guess this is what Rod Stewart was talking about,
When he said blondes have more fun.
When suddenly an old man with his dog,
Came into view and I said:

'Ooh babe, just a little quicker now,
Never mind him, just a little quicker now,
If he asks we'll just say you're fixing my fly with your mouth,
If we ask him nicely the dog might even help us out.'

And we lay out in the grass,
Wiping the yellow and green stains off our ass,
Our friends will call us lame,
We'll hide in your house playing video games.
And pretend that college isn't miles and miles away,
We'll pretend we're okay.

I said I think it's time that you and me had some time alone,
She said 'that's not funny' I said 'I know it wasn't a joke'.
It's not you or me, it's just a change in routine,
She turned me upside down, the day that she changed me to we.

I'm still not sure I wanted it that way,
But one by one everyone fades away.
Track Name: Heaven
Well you try to find some footing but all you get is air,
And you must've misplaced the blood and shrapnel in your hair,
While you watched a pillow fight between half the cast of MASH,
Can you be too old to die?

Watch Salinger and Dr.Seuss swim seas of bannanafish while you,
Wonder why on earth you still cough and puke and sneeze and shit,
Everyone wears sunglasses as safety protocol,
So you don't burn out your eyes.

And here I thought I'd answer for everything that I'd done wrong,
But I guess piles and piles of paperwork were too much work for God,
The most awkward family reunion in history,
Heaven must be a funny place to be.

Now you finally understand why your friends all lived in fear,
In the middle of badminton with Robin Thicke's career,
But it's hard to think a loving God would lock us in a place,
Where nothing ever really happens.

There's gay people everywhere, so Jesus isn't sure,
Why the paparazzi's spreading lies in a thousand page brochure,
The biggest scandal in history,
Heaven must be a funny place to be.

The main thing you learn in faith is what to give and what to take,
But first and last is pretty slack, sixty percent's still a pass.
God is working fulltime hours paying off her student loans,
God is still a student learning life out on her own,
God is Dana Carvey, God's a master of disguise,
God smiles when you fall in love but laughs hardest when you cry.

You'll see everyone that you love and everyone you hate,
But you just can't figure out why we'd ever procreate,
Cause if everyone everywhere is heading to the same nowhere,
Don't you think it's getting crowded?

I've always thought it's never good to save the best for last,
Waiting all year long for Santa Clause is quite the lonesome task,
Why'd you wanna spoil the mystery?
Heaven must be inside you and me
Track Name: Some Days Are Longer than Others (Some days are longer than other brother's mothers)
The engine roars, did you remember to lock the door?
Honey I don't think it matters, we got nothing worth stealing.
Why's the radio tuned to 102.1 the Edge?
You know they only play Indie
And haven't been edgy since who knows when,
Let's just talk instead.
The sun sinks in the driveway and we're heading down the road,
We got enough wine for a week,
Where we're heading I don't know,
I just hope it has a cinema where noone ever goes,
We can shit talk movies on our own.

And Kerouac knows where it's at, taking acid on the road,
Is it me or are these trees talking to me?

Toronto's always under permanent construction,
It'll never get better our best production is obstruction.
So let's hide away up North,
Where the most advance in science is Spork.
There's no wi-fi on the short, it'll keep you off of Netflix,
It'll keep me off of porn.
Sometimes I swear that I was born to rot away with you.

Lobotomy sounds hot to me, give my brain to someone who'd use it,
I'll just use yours because it has less anxiety.

I could drive another thousand miles with you,
But I'd rather walk cause there's so much more to do.
Let's sink in the sidewalk.

And when you're getting sick of me, remember how sick I am,
Lucky for you it doesn't seem contagious.

Summer fades with smoke from fire in the trees,
We whistle empty whiskey bottles, wasting all our weed.
Heading home's just another way of giving up.
And after spending so much time with you,
I've realized that you are pretty ordinary.
Pretty ordinary just like me